Gesher Tzar M'od

<BODY BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" LINK="#000000" VLINK="#000000" ALINK="#000000"> <CENTER><TABLE><TR><TD WIDTH=20% VALIGN="TOP"> <A NAME="top"> <P> <B><a href="http://betmish.org/text/erh5762drash.html">Text-Only Version</a></B> <P> <BIG><B><a href="http://betmish.org/index.html">Home</A></B></BIG> <P> <BIG><B><a href="http://betmish.org/whatsnew.html">What's New</A></B></BIG> <P> <BIG><B><a href="http://betmish.org/calendar.html#July8">Coming Events</A></B></BIG> <P> <BIG><B><a href="http://betmish.org/drashot.html">D'rashot</A></B></BIG> <P> <BIG><B><a href="http://betmish.org/do.html">What We Do</A></B></BIG> <P> <BIG><B><a href="http://betmish.org/who.html">Who We Are</A></B></BIG> <P> <BIG><B><a href="http://betmish.org/contact.html">Contact Us</A></B></BIG> <P> <BIG><B><a href="http://betmish.org/faq.html">Frequently Asked Questions</A></B></BIG> <P> <BIG><B><a href="http://betmish.org/archives.html">Archives</A></B></BIG> <P> <BIG><B><a href="http://betmish.org/links.html">Links</A></B></BIG> <P> <BIG><B><a href="http://betmish.org/member.html">Membership</A></B></BIG> <P> <BIG><B><a href="http://betmish.org/credits.html">Credits</A></B></BIG> <P> <BIG><B><a href="http://betmish.org/addbook.html">Guest book</A></B></BIG> </FONT></TD> <TD ALIGN=CENTER VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="80%> <CENTER>    <table border="0" align="center"> <tr> <td align="center"> <a href="http://betmish.org/index.html" target="_top"><IMG border=0 src="http://betmish.org/images/banner2.gif" align=center height="104" width="512" hspace=5 alt="Bet Mishpachah banner"></a> </td> <td align="left"> <font size="-5"><a href="http://betmish.org/child/descriptions/banner.html">Banner<br>Description</a></font> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="center"> <p><font size="-1"><i>Washington, DC's Egalitarian Synagogue</i><br> <i>Embracing a Diversity of Sexual and Gender Identities</i></font> </p> <p> <b><font face="Arial"><font size="+1">Rabbi Bob Saks<br> </font></font></b><br> <font face="Arial"><font size="-1"><i>Founded in 1975 by Members of the GLBT Community<font color="white" size="-4"> </font></i></font></font></p> </td> <td align="left"> <font size="-4" color="white"> </font> </td> </tr> </table> </center> <h1 align=center><i>Gesher Tzar M'od</i></h1> <center><i>Erev Rosh Hashana</i> 5762 <br>Ruth L. Potts <br>Copyright Š2001</center> <P><i>Hag samei-ach. Shana Tova. Ha Yom Harat Olam.</i> Today is the birthday of the world, the celebration of Creation. As we read earlier, the kabbalists imagined a cosmic event, full of energy and shattering vessels, sparks flying. Creation, whether in six days or billions of years, is awesome. Awesome as in full of awe, not just amazing. The American Heritage Dictionary defines awe as "respect tinged with fear" and fear as "terror, dread, apprehension". Awe is the fear and dread of the psalms, or the god who sits upon the throne on Yom ha-Din, the Day of Judgement. As we read in the High Holy Day <i>amida, u'v'chein tein pachd'cha adonai eloheinu al kal ma-asecha</i> - therefore <i>Adonai,</i> our God, put your awe on all you have made. Psalm 27 which is traditionally read everyday from the beginning of <i>Elul</i> through <i>Shemini Atzeret</i> says, "God is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear, God is the stronghold of my life, whom shall I dread?" The psalmist does not fear because he trusts in God. But he still holds God in awe. After recounting the various ways God will save him, he concludes with <i>kavei el adonai,</i> hope - or trust -- in God. <P>Fear and awe wind their way through our Holy Day liturgy. <i>U-ne-tane tokef,</i> which we will recite tomorrow morning, epitomizes the equivalent of a liturgical scare tactic or shades of Orwell's <u>1984</u>. Big Brother is watching. The image of God knowing everything we do and judging us by that, may instill fear, or it may instill awe. The concept that God tempers justice with mercy, <i>eil rachum v'chanun,</i> may provide comfort to some, mitigating the severity of the image of the judge. And for others, it may intensify the sense of awe. The prayer concludes by reminding us that our behavior, our actions have an impact on how our life unfolds. We can get a suspended sentence if we perform community service. Actually community service, <i>tzedaka,</i> is only one part of the formulation. <i>T'shuva</i> and <i>t'fila</i> must also play a part. To illustrate, we look to <i>Torah.</i> <P>In many synagogues tomorrow, the Torah reading will be the conflict between Sarah and Hagar that leads to Abraham sending Hagar and Yishmael into the desert with only bread and a bottle of water. Although there are many aspects of this story with relevance to the Holy Days, the piece I want to focus on has to do with how Hagar handles the desert. The Torah tells us nothing of Hagar's response to Abraham. What we read next is: the water ran out. How must she feel at this point, alone in the desert with a teenage son and no water? <P>The two most important survival tools in the desert are water and shade. Out of water, Hagar sends <i>Yishmael</i> to sit under a tree. She, however, goes off where he can't see her crying, where she can't see him dying of thirst. The narrative continues, <i>va-yishma elohim et kol ha-na-ar</i> and God heard the lad's voice. Then a <i>malach elohim,</i> an angel/messenger of God, says to Hagar, <i>al tiri,</i> don't be afraid. This is the first acknowledgment that she feels anything here. The <i>malach</i> directs her to go back to <i>Yishmael.</i> As she does, she suddenly sees a well, thereby saving them both. And as promised, <i>Yishmael</i> did become the ancestor of many people. <P>Let's take a look at Hagar's behavior here. Just as Abraham turned his back on her and <i>Yishmael,</i> she turns her back on her son as well, on any hope they will get out of the wilderness alive. Although the text says she is the one who lifted her voice and cried out, it is "the voice of the lad" that God hears, an occurrence an earlier <i>malach</i> foreshadowed by instructing Hagar to name her son <i>Yishma el,</i> God hears. At that earlier time, Hagar acknowledged a relationship with a God who saw her, even in the middle of nowhere. But in abandoning <i>Yishmael,</i> she loses sight of that relationship. Fear overtakes her. She no longer sees God, she doesn't trust that the promises God made earlier would be fulfilled. She does not have the faith of the psalmist. But something changes. She hears the <i>malach.</i> The <i>malach</i> tells her to go get her son for "I will make him a great nation". And as she does, she sees the well. The text says, "God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water". Did the well just suddenly appear? Had God deliberately "blinded" her to its existence? <P>Let's examine this story from a less theological perspective. When they run out of water, Hagar experiences the dilemma many parents face - being torn between wanting to comfort her son and not being able to bear seeing him suffer. Her first impulse is to take care of only herself. But she can't stand the trauma, the guilt, the separation. She cries out, admitting her fear. That's when she hears a message. Once she "gets it", once she realizes that she does have the ability to care for her son, she finds a way to take care of them both. Now, she can see the well. As Rabbi Rachel Stern Komerofsky has written, maybe Hagar "did not recognize the resources surrounding her, like the well. We have all experienced times when our sense of misfortune has rendered all the good things in our lives invisible to us." <P>In allowing herself to cry and feel the pain of her son's anticipated death, she became vulnerable. That vulnerability, that openness to her true self, facilitated the change in perception, the change in behavior. She returned to Yishmael and then she could see the life-saving well. She changed her actions and the whole world looked different. If we return to a more traditional reading of this, she cried out to God and God heard her plea. Once she turned to God, God took care of her and of <i>Yishmael.</i> She prayed -- <i>t'fila.</i> By praying, she was actually returning to God -- <i>t'shuva.</i> And then she was able to find water and save Yishmael -- <i>tzedaka. T'shuva, t'fila, tzedaka</i> the prescription that concludes the <i>U-ne-tane tokef.</i> <P>Whether we interpret this story as Hagar turning to God or turning inward toward herself, she still turns, she still makes a change. And to quote Jack Reimer, "turning does not come ... easily. It takes an act of will for us to make a turn." It is work, it is stressful, it is <i>t'shuva. T'shuva,</i> that change in direction, however slight, provides us an opportunity to start over, perhaps to see the world from a different perspective. But change can be very scary, as scary as that image of the judge. Tradeoffs. After doing the same thing for many years, changing is often very hard. Ruts can be quite comfortable. Sometimes they're so deep we can't see out of them. Perhaps that is the time to return to Psalm 27. "God is my light and my salvation, whom-- or what -- shall I fear?" <P>Reb Nachman of Bratslav, a hasidic rabbi and disciple of the Baal Shem Tov, teaches: <i>Kol ha olam kulo gesher tzar m'od. V'ha-ikar lo l'fakeid klal.</i> "All of the world is a very narrow bridge and the main thing is not to fear at all." This seems to echo Psalm 27. As precarious as life is, if we just trust in God, there is nothing to fear. Tell that to the 5000 victims of last week's barbaric terrorism or their families or anyone in this country or around the world affected by those horrific events. And who hasn't been affected in countless ways? I don't buy that there is nothing to fear. The trick, as I see it, is how to trust, how to have faith, in spite of the fear. <P>I have a twist on Reb Nachman. "All the world is a very narrow bridge and the main thing is not to fall off." How do we maintain a steady footing in the face of senseless terrorism? When our world falls apart, how do we go on? When we've been evicted from that comfortable rut, when the bridge sways in the wind, how and to what do we hold on? <P>I don't pretend to have an answer for everyone, but let me share a little of what has worked for me. I have not experienced personally the trauma of losing family or friends to terrorism. But I know that fear. As many in this congregation, I have friends and relatives in Israel. My nephew, three weeks away from returning to the States, walked out of a bar on <i>Ben Yehuda</i> Street at the end of May to see the hood blow off a car right in front of him. I just happened to be on the phone with his father when he called to say he was OK, before we'd even heard about the bombing on the news. I knew he was safe, but the prospect, the knowledge that he had been that close, rattled me for days. I don't know how I would have handled that kind of loss; the ones I have dealt with in the last eight months have been and continue to be enough of a challenge. In many ways, I know the varied emotions with which Hagar struggled. <P>In February, I was notified by my largest client that they would be pulling their work back in-house in June. They represented 70% of my business. The other 30% is not enough to live on. What was/am I going to do? I talked to friends. I shared my concerns, my fears, and they asked the right questions to help me sort out what to do next, or at least what to consider. One of the avenues I chose to pursue involved applying for a grant. When the grant did not come through, I was crushed. Emotionally, although not financially, that grant was gonna save me. But I had done enough research to know there were other sources for funding. I just needed to work them. But that's easier said than done. Mostly, what has enabled me to maintain a semblance of equilibrium has been the support of friends and associates, many in this congregation. <P>The next hit, however, was the death of one of those friends. When Dace Stone died August 15, I was blown away. The emotions were overwhelming and all jumbled up. Disbelief, incomprehension, loss, guilt. I'd been so caught up in my own struggle that I had not been attentive enough to Dace. I always knew how she was doing, but often through conversations with mutual friends, not with her directly. In spite of her own difficulties, the perennial therapist was always able to step back from her own situation and be an available shoulder. I wish I had been able to do the same for her. As I attempt to find a balance between celebrating her life and dealing with my grief and loss, I've tried to hear Dace. I've traded stories and remembrances, I've drawn comfort from her extended family as we all confront life without her, and in preparing for these Holy Days, I have stumbled across some psalms. <P>Since I often think of God as an accumulation of the sparks that were dispersed with the shattering vessels at Creation, when I read Psalm 27, those sparks are my light and salvation. As we read earlier, those sparks reside within each of us, within all of the world. What keeps me from falling off the bridge, is those sparks -- in my friends like Dace, in the sound of the water against the hull as the sailboat cuts through the bay, in the voices of 40 children chanting <i>Aleinu</i> every morning at a tiny Jewish Day school in Annapolis. And the vision of <i>Aleinu,</i> of a world free from terrorism, hunger, and destruction, full of unity and peace is as awesome as Creation. Let us strive to create the vision of <i>Aleinu</i> by reclaiming the sparks, by nurturing the good in humanity, by dwelling in God's Presence. In the words of the psalmist: <P><UL>I have asked one thing of God. <BR>Simply this: <BR>To dwell in Your house all the days of my life, <BR>To encounter Your beauty and enter into Your Presence.</ul> Please join the choir as we sing those words from Psalm 27 -- <i>Achat Sha-alti. <BR>Shana Tova u-m'tuka</i> </TD></TR></TABLE></CENTER> <P><HR> <p align="center"><FONT face=Arial><small><small><b>For a description of any of the graphics on this page, click on the D next to the graphic. <BR>For more information, contact our office at <a href="mailto:office@betmishpachah.org?SUBJECT=Request for Information from Web Site">office@betmishpachah.org</a><br> Send comments about this site to <a href="mailto:webweaver@betmishpachah.org?SUBJECT=Comments About Web Site">webweaver@betmishpachah.org</a>.<br> Copyright 1996 - 2008 Bet Mishpachah.</b></small></small></FONT> <CENTER><font face=Arial size="-1" color="#999999"><small><small><P><b>This page last modified on Sunday, May 18, 2003 at 07:58 PM EDT.</b></small></small></font> </CENTER> </body>