Robin Katcher and Ken Carroll are both members of D.C.'s Bet Mishpachah and are also involved in the synagogue's outreach program. (Photo by Donna Cohen)

By KIM KRISBERG

There is a Jewish anecdote in which a student asks a rabbi what the Torah, the body of Jewish religious literature, is all about. The rabbi thinks about the question and answers, "What is hateful to you, do not do to another."

In Washington, D.C., congregation Bet Mishpachah, the area’s predominantly gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender synagogue, is trying to spread that message through an outreach program aimed at helping Jewish places of worship become, in policy and practice, welcoming and affirming places for all people.

"Policy alone does not create change -- it’s something that has to be engaged in congregational life," said Robin Katcher, a Bet Mishpachah member as well as a member of the synagogue’s Social Action Committee, which is heading the outreach program in conjunction with the organization Jews United for Justice.

The program’s name, One in a Minyan, plays off the Yiddish term for 10, the number of people needed to have a service. The concept originated more than six months ago as the Social Action Committee was holding individual meetings with congregant about what types of projects to pursue. Katcher said that during meetings with about 30 to 40 members, one common thread was surfacing over and over again: Bet Mishpachah members wanted to feel fully welcomed within the larger Jewish community.

The synagogue had done outreach programs before in connection with Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians & Gays, which involved providing area synagogues with literature on how to becoming welcoming and affirming, as well as meeting with rabbis. One in a Minyan decided to go even deeper by reaching out to the congregants of synagogues so that an entire synagogue could be active in its decision to become a welcoming place of worship.

"I don’t want another young gay Jewish person to have to fear losing his or her community or think that [Judaism and homosexuality] are somehow incompatible," Katcher said.

Reform Judaism has come a long way in recognizing the gay community. In 2000, the Reform Judaism group known as the Central Conference of American Rabbis overwhelmingly voted for a resolution approving the performance of the "appropriate Jewish ritual" to recognize same-sex relationships. Among many news articles, The Washington Post called the move the first "major" religious denomination to sanction same-sex unions. But while Bet Mishpachah members recognize the pro-gay agenda of the Reform movement, they also believe synagogues must go beyond policy and take action to create inclusive communities.

"It has become important as an out individual to want to see a bridge between a gay synagogue and more of the mainstream communities," said Bet Mishpachah member Stephanie Handel. "I don’t want to see religion separated just because of sexual orientation."

Handel was one of two Bet Mishpachah members, along with Ken Carroll, who spoke at a Shabbat service at Temple Emmanuel, a reform congregation in Kensington, Md., in November as part of One in a Minyan’s outreach. Handel told the congregants at the service about her experience growing up in a conservative synagogue and being a lesbian. It was the first time she had shared her experiences of bringing together her lesbian and Jewish identities.

"Hearing myself retell my story … it was overwhelming," she said.

Carroll, a two-year Bet Mishpachah member as well as a member of the synagogue’s Social Action Committee, also spoke at that service at Temple Emmanuel. Carroll’s experience was different from Handel’s because he came to Judaism by choice. As he said in his speech, "I saw it as a religion of equality and a safe harbor from a homophobic world."

Two Temple Emmanuel members who were sitting in the audience that night, David and Bobbi Fishback, have a personal stake in the success of the outreach program. Both of their sons are gay and the Fishbacks want to make sure that their entire family feels welcome at their place of worship.

David Fishback said that his synagogue previously had a service with a representative from PFLAG, so he knew the congregation was receptive to responding to the needs of gay and lesbian congregants.

Last spring and summer, the Fishbacks met with Katcher and other members from Bet Mishpachah, as well as longtime Bet Mishpachah Rabbi Robert Saks and members from PFLAG, about doing more to enhance Temple Emmanuel’s inclusion policies.

"We’re all part of a larger community and nobody should feel marginalized," he said.

Among the actions that Fishback said his temple is considering to make gay and lesbian people feel more welcome is to include gay and lesbian people and non-traditional families in religious school topics. He said he believes if there had been more gay-affirming content in religious school, it would have been easier for his sons to deal with coming out. Another aspect would focus on the adult point of view by making Bet Mishpachah members feel comfortable in a suburban synagogue.

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Bet Mishpachah 202-833-1638 office@betmishpachah.org www.betmishpachah.org

"We want people to feel comfortable in a family-oriented suburban congregation as much as they would in the city," he said.

Katcher said there are two main reasons to create a dialogue about the gay and lesbian experience within places of worship. One, she said, is for the sake of the religious community, which loses members when it fails to be inclusive. The second is for the sake of the religious experience, which loses some of its integrity when it denies the intimate experiences of gay and lesbian people.

"I think we’ve conceded too much ground by saying religion is a tool used against us," she said. "But I think there’s an opportunity now to reclaim our spiritual and religious lives if we want them … and we don’t have to concede all religious ground to extremists."

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This article appeared in the issue of:
February 1, 2002